Today.

I love Timehop – In fact, I check it every morning and frequently share family photos and send the more memorable moments to my friends. Reliving shenanigans with my loved ones is an easy way to start my day off on a positive note. Unfortunately, some mornings the memories are anything but sweet. I have to be honest, today I’m not doing so swell.

In 2010, my not-yet Husband and I found out I was pregnant only to find out shortly after that we had, that they call a missed miscarriage.  “A missed miscarriage, also known as a silent miscarriage, occurs when a fetus dies, but the body does not recognize the pregnancy loss or expel the pregnancy tissue. As a result, the placenta may still continue to release hormones, so the woman may continue to experience signs of pregnancy.”

T13932990_10154491327699189_1776904729_nhis morning Timehop told me that I first made a post about baby names six years ago. At first I thought maybe it was oneI had made for my four-year-old daughter, or my two-year-old son, but after looking at the date I knew that the math didn’t add up. When it hit me I started crying and blasted the song Beam Me Up by Pink because it leaves me feeling momentarily content when I’m reminded that I lost a child that I so desperately wanted. My mind transported back to the ultrasound seat where I was told by a doctor that the baby wasn’t growing and had no heartbeat. Then to the article I read online that told me that it was “no big deal” due to miscarriages being so common that some people don’t even know they had one. Finally, to the friend who told me that I needed to move on, because I have two children to focus on now. Six years later, I’ve learned time does not heal all wounds.

I, not wanting my children to worry, dried my tears and went about my day. I made breakfast and read the entertainment news to prepare for a day of blogging. That’s when I saw that a reality tv star named Courtney Stodden suffered a miscarriage. As a way to grieve and symbolize a new beginning she shaved her head.

I want to start off by saying that I don’t know who Courtney Stodden is. I don’t watch much reality TV, because my entertainment tastes are nerdy, but reading the comments people are making about her have made me physically ill. People are saying that it was for the better because she wasn’t ready to have a child, or saying that she shaved her head for publicity. Now, I’m all for free speech, but I think it is easy for the public to forget that even when you are talking about a celebrity they are a human with real emotions. I wouldn’t wish the pain of a miscarriage on my worst enemy, it is a truly heartbreaking experience that changes your outlook on life forever. Everyone grieves differently and trying to control how or how long someone is allowed to be sad after losing the child they wanted is not only pointless, but cruel. I don’t know Courtney Stodden, but I stand by her and every other parent who never got to meet the child they created. I wish you all peace, and hope you find the strength to find the beauty in life.

Thanks for reading! Stay super, and be a hero.

Advertisements

15 Weird Questions Linkup

Katy over at Plays Well With Coffee set up this awesome link-up and challenged us to answer 15 weird questions about ourselves!

#1. What’s a nickname only your family calls you?

I don’t really have one. However, I go by Ami when my name is actually Amilia. When my Mom and Dad were coming up with names my Mom wanted to name me Alima after a girl she babysat as a child. My dad wanted to name me Amelia after his Grandmother. They came to an agreement and named me Amilia – Ami for short. I went through a short phase where I wanted to change the spelling to “Amy” but I ultimately decided that the original spelling better suited my unconventional personality well.

#2. What’s a weird habit of yours?

I play with my hair all the time. I don’t even notice it a majority of the time! No wonder my hair is ridiculously frizzy..

#3. Do you have any weird phobias?

I’m not sure I would call it a phobia and I’ve talked about this in one of my past posts, but I hate the sound of cotton-balls rubbing up against things, it makes me feel dizzy and nauseous. I know this doesn’t sound like a big deal but it makes it hard for me to open new pill bottles and get my blood drawn.

#4. What’s a song you secretly LOVE to blast & belt out when you’re alone?

Haha! Me and my friend were just talking about show-tunes, I admitted that I randomly break out into Marian the Librarian from Music Man.

“What can I do, my dear, to catch your ear? I love you madly, madly Madam Librarian – Marian!”

#5. What’s one of your biggest pet peeves?

When people judge other peoples hobbies and interests. I don’t care if you like the same things or if you think what they are interested in is childish. A hobby is a hobby – seeing someone passionate about something whether it be football, art, crafting, nature, or even video games is a beautiful thing.

#6. What’s one of your nervous habits?

Shaking my leg when I should be sitting still. 🙁

#7. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

The right side, against the wall.

#8. What was your first stuffed animal & what was its name?

The earliest one I can remember was a giant pink bunny named Easter. My mom’s boyfriends family gave it to me for… well, Easter.

#9. What’s the drink you ALWAYS order at Starbucks?

I don’t go to Starbucks very often, but when I do go I get a Chai Tea, preferably hot if the weather is right.

#10. What’s the beauty rule you preach.. but never ACTUALLY practice?

I tell friends and family to put coconut oil on as a nighttime face moisturizer, but I forget to do it myself most of the time.

#11. Which way do you face in the shower?

Both! Depending on what I am doing – I suppose I spend majority of the time facing the water.

#12. Do you have any ‘weird’ body ‘skills’?

I am double jointed in my wrists – so I can turn them almost all the way around after I stretch them.

#13. What’s your favorite ‘comfort food’/food thats ‘bad’ but you love to eat it anyways?

Bread. I try to stay away from it and limit my carb intake but after a bad day I

#14. What’s a phrase or exclamation you always say?

“Awesoooooome.”  (Usually with a bit of sarcasm.)
“I Can’t” (I know, I know. I can’t even…)
“Just spiffy” (That’s how I’m feeling.)

#15. Time to sleep what are you ACTUALLY wearing?

An oversized band tee, short sleeve in the summer, long sleeve in the winter, and a pair of stretchy shorts.

My Origin Story

I’m tempted to say that I’ve always been quirky or awkward, but I feel like that terminology has been romanticized in recent years. There is nothing pleasant about feeling your blood curdle when you hear a knock on the front door, nothing edgy about lying awake at 3 AM because your brain replays every mistake you’ve ever made over and over like a blooper reel.  According to the professionals, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Specific Social Anxiety, and a Motor Skills and Processing Disorder. I don’t know about all that. What I do know is for some irrational reason I can speak flawlessly in front of a classroom and even the Statehouse, but I become nauseous and stutter when speaking to someone at a customer service desk. I know that I fear opening pill bottles because the sound cotton balls make when rubbing against pretty much anything makes me shutter, I instead tell people I have a phobia of cotton balls because that sounds slightly less insane. I know that when someone throws something to me, I hear it hit the ground before I even see it coming my way. Finally, I know that on a day to day basis, I’ve taught myself to function just fine.

55pgj3ckrlzvcGrowing up, when I was trying to find hobbies that suited me, it was clear that sports were out of the question, and while I love art  many projects become a source of frustration for me. Living in a small town meant that there weren’t many local activities to participate in either, and I didn’t want to mingle with the countless classmates who bullied me anyway. This only caused my love of books to grow and it wasn’t long before my fascination spread to all other forms of pop culture. I’d fall in love with an author, actor, or musician and relentlessly digest their complete works. I thought I was so bizarre and kept my interests a secret.

In 2006, at the age of 16, I discovered Meebo. Meebo was a social media site that allowed you to connect all of your instant messaging accounts in one place as well as participate in Meebo chat rooms. It was in those chat rooms that I first discovered like-minded people and made lifelong friends. I realized that I was not alone and finally found a place where I wouldn’t be judged for my geeky interests and I was welcomed with open arms even when I was being less than graceful. I eventually transferred to Tumblr, and now the nerdy blogging community and discovered that my interests were fandoms and that the members of these fandoms are nothing short of amazing. The acceptance of the friends who “live in my computer” have helped me to make friends in the “real world” too.  Now, I’m raising my kids, blogging, and going to college for Communications and Media Studies so that I can continue to make my interests a viable career. Not every day is easy, but I am grateful that each day I am closer to becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be.

To see more Origin Stories visit: https://nerdilyblog.com/

Introduction

12294689_10154116292764189_7263524542490128704_nHello! Since I’ve been expanding my blog I think that now would be the perfect time to reintroduce myself. My name is Ami and I’m a wife and mother of two perfect children. I am currently in college working towards my my bachelors in Communications and Media Studies. My goal is to work in the field of journalism and media management. I have many hobbies which include, crafts, gaming, reading, and of course writing. I presently reside in a tiny, forgettable, town in the state of Maine but I’m working to get to the point where we can travel and make memories all over the world.

My family both shares and supports my passions and interests and that makes life even more enjoyable. My husband Dan and I are former high school sweethearts and have been married for five years. He is an amazing father and support system for our family. He is the true constant in my life. Our daughter Kiera is four and is destined to become a Disney princess. Just ask her, she will tell you. Our son Logan is almost two. He has an incredibly magnetic personality and his emotions are contagious.

I’m working on losing weight by getting healthy. My end goal is to participate in a RUN DISNEY marathon. It’s a long term goal but step by baby step I’m confident I’ll reach it.

My online handle is Beingmonochrome. I frequent Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and Tumblr. You can also find my Facebook page here and add me on snapchat at beingmonochrome. Feel free to add or follow me on any of my accounts!

 

Love Doesn’t Really Conquer All

When I’m asked who I’m inspired by it’s easy for me to joke and say that I admire Batman’s determination, Spiderman’s wit, or Professor X’s incredible brain power, but the truth is that other than looking up to my mom, I am mostly motivated by the lives of my grandparents.

They fell in love in their early teen years, and when my grandmother became pregnant they stuck together. She dropped out of school, and grandpa would go to school during the days and work nights to support them. They went on to get married and have two more children. Continue reading Love Doesn’t Really Conquer All

All The Con’s!

Hey guys! Sorry, I haven’t been updating as much as usual. I am still in school full-time and in training for a new job. Also, as you can see my blog is in the middle of a re-vamp. This is due to the higher traffic I’ve been getting lately! You all are amazing! Thank you!

My new job provides for lots of paid time off. My goal is to spend as much of that time off at con’s this year. Already on my list is Port Con, New York Comic Con and if I am lucky I’ll finally get to San Diego this year too. If anyone has a Con they’d like to suggest, I’d love some back up suggestions!

What cons are you planning on attending in 2016?