Today.

I love Timehop – In fact, I check it every morning and frequently share family photos and send the more memorable moments to my friends. Reliving shenanigans with my loved ones is an easy way to start my day off on a positive note. Unfortunately, some mornings the memories are anything but sweet. I have to be honest, today I’m not doing so swell.

In 2010, my not-yet Husband and I found out I was pregnant only to find out shortly after that we had, that they call a missed miscarriage.  “A missed miscarriage, also known as a silent miscarriage, occurs when a fetus dies, but the body does not recognize the pregnancy loss or expel the pregnancy tissue. As a result, the placenta may still continue to release hormones, so the woman may continue to experience signs of pregnancy.”

T13932990_10154491327699189_1776904729_nhis morning Timehop told me that I first made a post about baby names six years ago. At first I thought maybe it was oneI had made for my four-year-old daughter, or my two-year-old son, but after looking at the date I knew that the math didn’t add up. When it hit me I started crying and blasted the song Beam Me Up by Pink because it leaves me feeling momentarily content when I’m reminded that I lost a child that I so desperately wanted. My mind transported back to the ultrasound seat where I was told by a doctor that the baby wasn’t growing and had no heartbeat. Then to the article I read online that told me that it was “no big deal” due to miscarriages being so common that some people don’t even know they had one. Finally, to the friend who told me that I needed to move on, because I have two children to focus on now. Six years later, I’ve learned time does not heal all wounds.

I, not wanting my children to worry, dried my tears and went about my day. I made breakfast and read the entertainment news to prepare for a day of blogging. That’s when I saw that a reality tv star named Courtney Stodden suffered a miscarriage. As a way to grieve and symbolize a new beginning she shaved her head.

I want to start off by saying that I don’t know who Courtney Stodden is. I don’t watch much reality TV, because my entertainment tastes are nerdy, but reading the comments people are making about her have made me physically ill. People are saying that it was for the better because she wasn’t ready to have a child, or saying that she shaved her head for publicity. Now, I’m all for free speech, but I think it is easy for the public to forget that even when you are talking about a celebrity they are a human with real emotions. I wouldn’t wish the pain of a miscarriage on my worst enemy, it is a truly heartbreaking experience that changes your outlook on life forever. Everyone grieves differently and trying to control how or how long someone is allowed to be sad after losing the child they wanted is not only pointless, but cruel. I don’t know Courtney Stodden, but I stand by her and every other parent who never got to meet the child they created. I wish you all peace, and hope you find the strength to find the beauty in life.

Thanks for reading! Stay super, and be a hero.

Introduction

12294689_10154116292764189_7263524542490128704_nHello! Since I’ve been expanding my blog I think that now would be the perfect time to reintroduce myself. My name is Ami and I’m a wife and mother of two perfect children. I am currently in college working towards my my bachelors in Communications and Media Studies. My goal is to work in the field of journalism and media management. I have many hobbies which include, crafts, gaming, reading, and of course writing. I presently reside in a tiny, forgettable, town in the state of Maine but I’m working to get to the point where we can travel and make memories all over the world.

My family both shares and supports my passions and interests and that makes life even more enjoyable. My husband Dan and I are former high school sweethearts and have been married for five years. He is an amazing father and support system for our family. He is the true constant in my life. Our daughter Kiera is four and is destined to become a Disney princess. Just ask her, she will tell you. Our son Logan is almost two. He has an incredibly magnetic personality and his emotions are contagious.

I’m working on losing weight by getting healthy. My end goal is to participate in a RUN DISNEY marathon. It’s a long term goal but step by baby step I’m confident I’ll reach it.

My online handle is Beingmonochrome. I frequent Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and Tumblr. You can also find my Facebook page here and add me on snapchat at beingmonochrome. Feel free to add or follow me on any of my accounts!